


The Silent Truth

by staymagical



Series: At A Loss For Words [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Mute!Merlin, Overly Protective!Arthur, Past Mutilation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 22:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3954784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staymagical/pseuds/staymagical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur took the knights on a simple mission...without telling one of their key members. He returns to a not so warm welcome</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Silent Truth

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while, I know. This was not the next part I had planned to post but it binds together the first and the next one so why not? Hope you like it. Enjoy!

The sky was awash with pink, soaking the cotton clouds and drenching the horizon with a watery glow. A chilled autumn breeze sailed over the land, teasing the leaves of the trees and bending the backs of the grasses. The swallows took advantage, coasting along with the wind, bobbing up and down and around the group of red clad riders leisurely trotting toward the white stone city.

They rode in silence, the laughter dying as they neared the walls and the steady clop of hooves on dirt gave way to clacking on cobblestones.

"This won't be pleasant, will it?" Leon broke the silence, voicing the thoughts of the others.

"Not in the slightest." Arthur stated. His horse tossed his head as if to agree.

Leon winced. "You reckon he'll be…"

"Yes." Gwaine spat, shooting a glare Arthur's way as he had been the entire journey.

"He always came with us before," Gwaine continued, focusing on the road once more as they made their way through the lower town, "never once stayed behind no matter the challenges or dangers we faced. That shouldn't have to change now."

Sounds of the lower town rose around them as they entered the city. Shouts of merchants trying to make the last sales of the day, chickens squabbling from their cages, children laughing, ducking in and out of the alleys, playing before their parents called them in for supper. A woman walked out onto the main street, stepping back quickly as the patrol rode through, bowing to Arthur when he passed by. He nodded in return knowing it was not customary but feeling like he needed to make up for his wrong in any way he could. Even if it had nothing to do with any of these people.

Arthur sighed, sick of having this argument but knowing that the knight's words were laced with truth. "Gwaine, you know why."

"No Arthur, I really don't." Gwaine growled, his heated glare boring holes in Arthur's skull. "You can't keep him within the walls forever. Hell, he's probably already ventured outside without your knowledge."

"That's not—its not that simple—goddamnit Gwaine." Why was this so hard for Gwaine to understand? Did he need to map it out for him? "You know I am not trying to...to lock him up forever. I just—"

"Don't want to repeat the past. No, I get it. But you have to let him make those decisions for himself."

Arthur sighed in resignation. "I know."

The noise and hustle of the lower town faded to the background as they entered the courtyard. A stable hand immediately ran out to assist them.

The steps of the courtyard, where Gwen, Merlin and sometimes Gaius if he wasn't tending to patients or making deliveries usually stood waiting upon his and the knights' return, was barren. He had an inkling this would happen but had stubbornly hoped that because there had been very little time to prepare and therefore to inform the members of the court, his excuse was solid. Apparently not. This was definitely not going to be pleasant.

He brought his horse to a halt just a few paces from the stairs and dismounted. Handing the reins over to the waiting stable hand, he straightened his armor and mentally prepared himself for what was to come.

"Good luck, Princess.," Gwaine said.

Arthur nodded, wanting nothing more than to flee the oncoming guilt and shame he was about to bear. More than he already did, that is. Truly he had everyone's best interests at heart, why couldn't they see that?

He used the walk to his chambers to settle his thoughts, his arguments, and his apologies. It was around dusk now, too late for Merlin to still be finishing up chores in Arthur's chambers. So he had some extra time before he had to face that particular problem. Gwen...was another matter. Granted, he hadn't actually offended her or done her wrong in any way, but he was no fool. He knew she was not angry at him for what he had done as it pertained to her. Her anger came about in regards to another, as it most often did. But that was why he loved her, was it not? She cared so deeply for others, for their wellbeing and their feelings, that she would fight tooth and nail in order to ensure they were happy. When one of those people just so happened to be her best friend, there was hell to pay. Arthur knew he was most likely going to pay it.

As it was, he didn't even make it to his chambers before stumbling upon his wife. Gwen was there, walking down the corridor, looking regal and beautiful in her scarlet dress that fell off the shoulders just right. He smiled, unable to hide the pleasure he felt at seeing her even knowing she was not pleased at all to see him. But she didn't glare, didn't sneer or show any displeasure. Instead, she met him with cold eyes that spoke of disappointment rather than anger. His smile faded in an instant.

"Guenievre, please listen, I—"

She just held up her hand, putting a halt to all apologies and explanations. "I am not the one you should be talking to, Arthur." Then she carried on down the corridor, skirts ghosting across the stones and slippered feet silencing her footsteps as she disappeared around the corner.

Arthur sighed, knowing she was right but still feeling the need to talk to her and explain. That would have to wait, though.

He walked the rest of the way to his chambers on muscle memory alone, mind whirling. So when he opened the door to his chambers, and strode inside, he was shocked to find his room was not empty.

What was even more surprising was the fist that met his jaw no more than three heartbeats later. Pain blossomed through the left side of his face and he reeled back, dazed. Well, he had not expected it to be pleasant. One point to Arthur.

Merlin stood there, fists clenched, anger blazing a storm in his eyes. His clothes were rumpled, his hair a mess, standing on end in sections like he had been repeatedly running his fingers through it, grabbing it, pulling it. Which, Arthur conceded, he had been, worried and angry and concerned and indignant and all the things that made Merlin so...Merlin.

"Merlin, listen to me—," Arthur began but he didn't get another word in as Merlin cut him off with nothing more than a slice through the air with his hands.

The motion was obvious, _No YOU listen to me._

So Arthur held his tongue, remembering what Merlin had said—gestured, acted out, whatever, it was Merlin's way of talking—when Lord Farin had visited, how he felt unheard and unable to speak up for himself. Since then, Arthur had made a conscious effort to listen to Merlin, to interrupt conversations and let Merlin have his say if he so desired. It was the least he could do. He owed Merlin so much more.

Hands and arms started speaking, flying through the air rapidly, gesturing and acting out Merlin's own words.

_Don't you ever leave me behind again! I always go with you, always. Why should that change now?! I am not a lady in need of protecting, not delicate. I am more than capable of handling myself and you know it!_ He jabbed his finger at Arthur with a final gesture.

"Yes I know and I apologize—"

_Then why the hell did you not tell me! Why did you leave without me?_ Merlin gestured, arms and hands cutting the air with sharp violent movements but he was losing steam and Arthur could see it. _Do you know what it's like to have to wait, not knowing when or if you will come back? To have sworn to serve and protect you and be left behind?_

"It is not your duty to protect me Merlin. You are an advisor now, you have a higher standing, other duties. You don't need to go out on silly patrols anymore." The argument sounded weak, even to Arthur's ears. It hadn't been a silly patrol. There had been a horde of bandits hell bent on pillaging the outlying villages and no small band of Camelot knights was going to stop them. Well, until they did. It had been hard fought though. Nevertheless, Merlin didn't need to know that. Not all of it at least.

_But I want to. I want to help you, no matter the danger. It never stopped me before. This,_ and to Arthur's horror he opened his mouth and pointed to the stub sitting at the bottom, _does not mean I can't still perform my duties. You of all people should know that. You helped me realize I can do everything else I used to do. Why are you so adamant to push me away now? Am I..._

His face fell then, like a marionette with its strings cut, brow pinched in pain and eyes misting over. _Do you not want me around anymore? Am I too much of a hassle, a burden to you now?_ His eyes flicked to the door then, tears threatening to spill. _I should...go._

"NO!" Arthur shouted, reaching out and grabbing Merlin's arm before he could stop himself. How could he think such a thing? If Arthur had known that Merlin would go to such extremes, he would have never left. Would never have even contemplated such a thing. He couldn't imagine life in Camelot without his best friend by his side, not anymore. It would be a sad existence without Merlin there, silent or not. "No, please just...no," he repeated, voice dropping to a whisper.

Merlin stared at him, anger and sorrow battling for dominance in his eyes, the latter slowly winning. _Why then?_

Arthur looked down, ashamed and guilty and angry at the world for putting his friend through this. He didn't deserve it. He deserved to be cared for, to be happy, to be safe. "I...I don't want to lose you. Not again, not ever. I just...I need you to be safe."

Merlin shook his head and snapped his fingers to get Arthur's attention again. Arthur glanced up and Merlin began gesturing again. _Making me stay here is going to do more harm than good. I almost came after you today._ Arthur's eyes widened, fear and shock washing over him like a bucket of cold water. Merlin just rolled his eyes. _Almost, Arthur. Obviously I didn't._

He looked straight at Arthur again, eyes so filled with pain and anxiety and betrayal that Arthur wanted to look away, ashamed that he was the cause of it all. He had thought they were over this. He had thought he wouldn't have to ever go through any of this with Merlin again. It was like he had slipped him the drug all over again and he didn't want to witness the result. But he watched Merlin, waiting, knowing the young man was going to speak again and he needed to pay attention. That was all he could do at the moment, listen and heed his words.

_I can't stay here while you go out and risk your life. I just...I can't._ Merlin looked down then and it broke Arthur's heart all over again.

Silence fell over the room so thick and charged that Arthur was sure he would be crushed by the weight of it. And Merlin just stood there, focused on the floor as though it was the most interesting thing in the world, blinking the tears out of his eyes and trying to steady the tremors in his hands.

Arthur sighed, shaking his head in mockery. "You'd make a terrible housewife, Merlin."

To his surprise, Merlin let out a soft chuckle, the sound thawing the somber mood of the chambers slightly.

When Merlin looked up, his hands were already moving. _I need you to promise me Arthur that you will never do that again. Please._

Arthur stared at Merlin a second, wanting to do more for his friend, to erase the past day and do it all over. To yesterday, hell to before the slavers, all of it. But he just nodded and said, "I promise Merlin that I will never make another decision for you or without you if time and propriety permits."

Merlin nodded his head in acceptance before his face turned nonchalant and he quirked an eyebrow. _Except you know, matters of the bedroom. You and Gwen are free to do as you like, whenever you like, however you like. I would rather you not drag me into it._

"Merlin!"

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Banner & Wallpaper] The Silent Truth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9072385) by [Knowmefirst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knowmefirst/pseuds/Knowmefirst)




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